I just wanted to say that I changed my template for this blog... I am quite pleased with it.
I don't really know what to say other than that... Life has been quite dull, I mean, I can't really that that right? Because I'm making it dull. It's up to me to change my life.
But really- I haven't done anything like "WOW" exception of one thing- which I don't want to talk about, i'll stop now.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Are You Real?
Today, I hung out with friends. It was exhilarating! I really had a wonderful time, and, in fact I hung out with 3 different groups of people the whole day, like I was a tether ball being hit around. However, with each "group" we did different stuff. With one group, I went to downtown and looked at video games for two hours, and another swimming and tanning, a variety of other activities, however, overall conclusion, it was all really fun.
Unfortunately, the entire day was basically clouded of dreadful thoughts of my mother. As sensitive yet cheesy as that sounds, it was no lie. I missed the bus at 2:45, and my mom was bewildered, mainly because I prooomised her I would take the bus back home. I missed it, and I actually ran for it... however definitely no chance. Interestingly enough, when I called my mom that I missed my bus, she thought I was kidding. I surely wasn't. She furious when she finally believe me about my truth. I was terrified, but I just decided to, at least, try to forget about it have a good time while stuck in downtown.
Guilt locked in my mind, yet no one knew, no one even guessed. I laughed, I screamed, I smiled. It was I really good time, until my mom came to pick me up. I happily said goodbye to my friends, and jumped into the car to confront my mom. She was angry, and as soon as I closed the door, I felt my heart sink. Surprisingly, she wasn't as angry as I thought she would be. Mostly, she was delighted on how I had done on my exams and courses this year. Her anger slowly ceased, and my mood took the biggest breath. My mistake was quickly forgotten about.
Ok, that was a sum-up of my day. I wonder if you caught the message. I suppose I really emphasized my fear towards my mom, however that was not what I wanted you two know... (although it is very very very true).
I don't know about you, but I know about me that I am horribly (however may not be horrible) effected on who I am with, if that makes sense. I mean, I am definitely NOT a consistent character, my personality changes, not so much drastically (good thing) however, a definite change. Is everyone like that? Then who is the real me? I feel some times so fake, but it doesn't feel like I am acting. I'm just curious how I REALLY am. When recalling back to different times during the day, I was happy, and sad, and scared, worried, loud, annoying maybe, who knows. No consistency, although it makes sense to be changing all the time I suppose. It just confusing because its like if you change, does that mean you are being fake?
There are so many things I don't know, but I thought I knew at least my self, but that is proving it's self wrong. I really beginning to question myself, who am I really?
Unfortunately, the entire day was basically clouded of dreadful thoughts of my mother. As sensitive yet cheesy as that sounds, it was no lie. I missed the bus at 2:45, and my mom was bewildered, mainly because I prooomised her I would take the bus back home. I missed it, and I actually ran for it... however definitely no chance. Interestingly enough, when I called my mom that I missed my bus, she thought I was kidding. I surely wasn't. She furious when she finally believe me about my truth. I was terrified, but I just decided to, at least, try to forget about it have a good time while stuck in downtown.
Guilt locked in my mind, yet no one knew, no one even guessed. I laughed, I screamed, I smiled. It was I really good time, until my mom came to pick me up. I happily said goodbye to my friends, and jumped into the car to confront my mom. She was angry, and as soon as I closed the door, I felt my heart sink. Surprisingly, she wasn't as angry as I thought she would be. Mostly, she was delighted on how I had done on my exams and courses this year. Her anger slowly ceased, and my mood took the biggest breath. My mistake was quickly forgotten about.
Ok, that was a sum-up of my day. I wonder if you caught the message. I suppose I really emphasized my fear towards my mom, however that was not what I wanted you two know... (although it is very very very true).
I don't know about you, but I know about me that I am horribly (however may not be horrible) effected on who I am with, if that makes sense. I mean, I am definitely NOT a consistent character, my personality changes, not so much drastically (good thing) however, a definite change. Is everyone like that? Then who is the real me? I feel some times so fake, but it doesn't feel like I am acting. I'm just curious how I REALLY am. When recalling back to different times during the day, I was happy, and sad, and scared, worried, loud, annoying maybe, who knows. No consistency, although it makes sense to be changing all the time I suppose. It just confusing because its like if you change, does that mean you are being fake?
There are so many things I don't know, but I thought I knew at least my self, but that is proving it's self wrong. I really beginning to question myself, who am I really?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
No Title
Do you ever get those days when you just arent feeling good? Feeling good not as in a tummy ache or a head ache, but actually not feeling good. Well, i just had one of those days today, and it sucks. Some days I just feel so good. So relaxed and calm and at ease. There just seems nothing to worry about, things to look forward to, memories that just make you feel so alive. Why couldn't everyday be that like? Yesterday, I just felt so great. I had a fantastic day yesterday! There were things I was looking forward to, but not today.
Haha, it really seems like im trying to act all emotional, and sensitive about my life, but really im not. Im just trying to explain how I feel. but really, I mean, dont you every feel that sad way sometimes? You just want to give up and then you think to yourself, what am I doing here?
Haha, it really seems like im trying to act all emotional, and sensitive about my life, but really im not. Im just trying to explain how I feel. but really, I mean, dont you every feel that sad way sometimes? You just want to give up and then you think to yourself, what am I doing here?
Friday, May 21, 2010
To never know
Today I went to school like any other day. Except today I had an assignment due at lunch. This assignment was to look at the moon for atleast 5 days and record what the moon looks like. Our teacher actually gave us this project about a month ago, and as lazy as I am, I finished it last minute.
I was a little bit worried when completing the assignment. Honestly, I focused on using 3 different pencils, and 2 pens to make it appear like I have done each moon a different night. It was fool proof! It legit looked like it took me all month to accomplish. I smudge the moons as well to make it seem even older. I was so good at making it seem like something it wasn't.
When I was in he flurry of finishing the assignment during lunch, I was frantic. (For some reason I felt there was 5 mins left of lunch to finsih, when infact there was about half an hour). But right at that momment I felt so vulnerable. I suppose being felt vulnerable is comment when in a short time span to finish something. But honestly, this may be no big deal, but when these add up together, it just is a big a deal.
I hate my life when in rushed. I mean; why should everything be so rushed? Sometimes I just want to stop and walk away. To answer my own question, I guess we are rushed because only then will we do what we must do. I feel silly to say, but I am rushed only because I am lazy.
The confusing part to me is no one will ever know who is lazy and who is not. Who will be rushed, who will not. I felt rushed when doing my assignment, but honestly, could it appear as I am not? I finished my moon assignment in 10 mins, but could it appear as I had not?
I was a little bit worried when completing the assignment. Honestly, I focused on using 3 different pencils, and 2 pens to make it appear like I have done each moon a different night. It was fool proof! It legit looked like it took me all month to accomplish. I smudge the moons as well to make it seem even older. I was so good at making it seem like something it wasn't.
When I was in he flurry of finishing the assignment during lunch, I was frantic. (For some reason I felt there was 5 mins left of lunch to finsih, when infact there was about half an hour). But right at that momment I felt so vulnerable. I suppose being felt vulnerable is comment when in a short time span to finish something. But honestly, this may be no big deal, but when these add up together, it just is a big a deal.
I hate my life when in rushed. I mean; why should everything be so rushed? Sometimes I just want to stop and walk away. To answer my own question, I guess we are rushed because only then will we do what we must do. I feel silly to say, but I am rushed only because I am lazy.
The confusing part to me is no one will ever know who is lazy and who is not. Who will be rushed, who will not. I felt rushed when doing my assignment, but honestly, could it appear as I am not? I finished my moon assignment in 10 mins, but could it appear as I had not?
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Who Knows Best
Something happened the other day, which ended in confliction between my parents and I. They told me one thing, and I thought they were completely wrong. I just felt I had the background information which really made it seem like I was right, and that they were wrong. SEEM is the keyword. it SEEM like I was right... But really, that was not true.
I just wanted to make thing post short and simple. You, as the reader have no idea what conflict this was about. But thats not important. Infact, that does not even matter. The fact is, I was wrong, very wrong and my parents were right. My dad especially was trying to point something out, and I didnt even listen to him, because I thought I was utterly on point. After some thought about our discussion, I confronted my parents again. We talked, and everything was better. Point is my parents were right, and I even felt embarassed admitting to it.
Experience. Experience answered not only this conflict however many others. My biggest realization why my parents were basically right about everything was because of experience. My parents are more than 3 times older than me... They have 3 times more experiences than I have.
I need to listen to my parents more.
I just wanted to make thing post short and simple. You, as the reader have no idea what conflict this was about. But thats not important. Infact, that does not even matter. The fact is, I was wrong, very wrong and my parents were right. My dad especially was trying to point something out, and I didnt even listen to him, because I thought I was utterly on point. After some thought about our discussion, I confronted my parents again. We talked, and everything was better. Point is my parents were right, and I even felt embarassed admitting to it.
Experience. Experience answered not only this conflict however many others. My biggest realization why my parents were basically right about everything was because of experience. My parents are more than 3 times older than me... They have 3 times more experiences than I have.
I need to listen to my parents more.
Monday, March 22, 2010
A Fresh Start
March break is finally over. To be honest, it was utterly agonizing doing completely nothing. Well, infact I did plenty. Just... it is unexplanable, I enjoy going to school, however school in general is very boring. Do you understand what i mean? I guess, there is not a motive when hanging around. The generalized motive would be "fun" I suppose, but at school its a little different, well to me it is. Just the fact that I see school not as a day to day basis, however as a huge piece of something. Something which I have discovered yet haha. This is how i see it as; imagine a puzzle, 5000 piece puzzle. Could you imagine finishing it? That would be intense! But this puzzle would take a very long time to finish. Now picture someone connecting one puzzle piece at a time each day. Only one though, not 5, just one. On the 5000th day, this person would be putting his last puzzle piece in. And then, just like that he has a 5000 piece puzzle completed. From day to day, he puts just one piece together, and with all his hard work, he finally gets a complete puzzle. A complete puzzle to me... is like a job? University? Recieving my diploma from highschool? Getting a 100% on my test? Getting to my classes on time? Getting to school on time? Waking up every morning? I honestly don't know.
Sorry, I just rambled about nothing. I intented this post to be about something different, but ill just save that idea for next time. I hope you got a little something out of my little spiel. Even if its just to go out an buy a 5000 piece puzzle. Puzzles are fun.
Sorry, I just rambled about nothing. I intented this post to be about something different, but ill just save that idea for next time. I hope you got a little something out of my little spiel. Even if its just to go out an buy a 5000 piece puzzle. Puzzles are fun.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Look Outside
Sorry I haven't written in a long time, I guess I have been busy with boredom.. However, to even out boredom, the weather has been especially nice the past three days. Today was a wonderful day overall, unfortunately there were some pretty chilly winds. It was said to be 11 degrees Celsius, but judging from my common knowledge, it was a definite 4 degrees. Due to the winds, I concluded of staying close to the window, on the couch, snuggled up with my trusty laptop.
During the day, my "trusty" laptop would randomly either shut off completely, or close the program I was using (mostly internet explorer). I couldn't help but be angry at my laptop, especially because I got it about 5 months ago. I mean seriously? You are new and already breaking down? While I sat, watching the computer come back to life, I just took a breath, and wondered "WHY". No, I obviously did nothing wrong, it's the computer's fault. Lets be honest here, I am human, the computer is technology, technology is not better than human, humans created technology. Okay, that would be a very summed up, conclusive way of expressing how I felt about this situation. When the computer came back up, I immediately ran Norton Virus Scan. Nothing found. Okay, cool so my computer is fine.
After about the fifth time my computer went berserk, I took a moment to regather myself. If there were no viruses found on my computer, no pop ups, nothing weird, except the fact that is shutting down, perhaps I am doing something wrong? No, that cannot be. But wait... it can. When I opened my program once more, I did everything normally, except I asked my brother to watch me as I used my program. I asked him to pay close attention to what I was doing rather than what was going on in the program. Obviously, I asked him to do this for me, because I felt I wouldn't be able to pinpoint it myself. Once I was doing my thing on the computer, my brother right off the bat commented "wow, you click a lot." At that immediate point, I realized what I had been doing wrong. I was completely overwhelming my computer, and it just could not handle everything.
While using the program, I slowed my pace down quite a bit to see if my theory was true. Yes. Indeed it was, and after that, my program never closed again.
Today, I learned a number of things. But I am sure you can figure them all out by reading my post.
During the day, my "trusty" laptop would randomly either shut off completely, or close the program I was using (mostly internet explorer). I couldn't help but be angry at my laptop, especially because I got it about 5 months ago. I mean seriously? You are new and already breaking down? While I sat, watching the computer come back to life, I just took a breath, and wondered "WHY". No, I obviously did nothing wrong, it's the computer's fault. Lets be honest here, I am human, the computer is technology, technology is not better than human, humans created technology. Okay, that would be a very summed up, conclusive way of expressing how I felt about this situation. When the computer came back up, I immediately ran Norton Virus Scan. Nothing found. Okay, cool so my computer is fine.
After about the fifth time my computer went berserk, I took a moment to regather myself. If there were no viruses found on my computer, no pop ups, nothing weird, except the fact that is shutting down, perhaps I am doing something wrong? No, that cannot be. But wait... it can. When I opened my program once more, I did everything normally, except I asked my brother to watch me as I used my program. I asked him to pay close attention to what I was doing rather than what was going on in the program. Obviously, I asked him to do this for me, because I felt I wouldn't be able to pinpoint it myself. Once I was doing my thing on the computer, my brother right off the bat commented "wow, you click a lot." At that immediate point, I realized what I had been doing wrong. I was completely overwhelming my computer, and it just could not handle everything.
While using the program, I slowed my pace down quite a bit to see if my theory was true. Yes. Indeed it was, and after that, my program never closed again.
Today, I learned a number of things. But I am sure you can figure them all out by reading my post.
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